VoIP Blog54676

The seemingly invincible Chelsea FC look set to record their second consecutive Premiership soccer title after a convincing 2-0 defeat of Liverpool FC.

Now 15 points clear at the top of the Premier League, Chelsea barring catastrophe will be champions again. This is in no small way due to their enigmatic manager Jose Mourinho. The Portuguese master tactician has instilled a belief of invincibility in his team that is rarely seen.

Many fans of English football may point to the fact that Mourinho has spent vast amounts of his Chairman's money to attain this position, but that is not the reason for Chelsea's success. The credit must go to Mourinho, the man they call "The Special One". He continues to make the correct selections, and more importantly, his interventions from the sidelines are rarely innefective. He is the consummate professional.

Chelsea seem set to embark on a domination of the English game, and as long as Mourinho is in charge, they will continue to set the benchmark. Whether they can go on to dominate the European tournaments in the same way is a question soon to be answered, they certainly have the talent and the right man at the helm, but Europe is difficult to conquer.

The forthcoming Champions league games are awaited with baited breath...

# posted by voip71722 @ 10:58 PM 0 comments

If you plan to move to Arizona, there are a couple of items you need to know first. If you have yet to buy a home in Arizona, then be sure to look for the following things: central air conditioner and swimming pool. DO NOT SETTLE FOR A SWAMP COOLER. Buying Arizona Real Estate requires a survival mindset.

If you have bought a home in Arizona that is in either of the largely populated valleys, you must not assume that because people live there it can't be that bad. It is that bad without the proper equipment. If you are moving to Arizona from a dissimilar climate, you must prepare to pay extra for you cooling. It is absolutely not survivable for a person from a cooler climate without central cooling and lots of it. Swamp coolers may do in some environments, but in Arizona they will just add a layer of humidity on top of the unbearably hot temperature. This is like two-ply toilet paper, there are some things you just don't even cut corners on.

The swimming pool is essential as well. In cooler climates like Colorado Springs, Salt Lake City, or even San Diego, a pool is an extra, a luxury, a want. In Arizona, it is a requirement. On some days during the Arizona summers, it gets so hot that you feel incapable of cooling down with Air Conditioning, a freezing cold drink of water, or even a cold shower (cold showers really don't exist in Arizona's summers). The only way you are getting cool is by jumping in a swimming pool. Sound silly to people who never lived in Arizona before, but those who have, are nodding and saying "of course, why did he write an article on this?"

# posted by voip71722 @ 9:58 PM 0 comments

Nobody knows about the future of Jerome Bettis except him and his family but if the Indianapolis Colts had scored a game winning touchdown at the end of the game, Bettis would be back. Jerome Bettis is a gamer, and will live on as one of the best franchise players of the Pittsburgh Steelers organization. This can not be said lightly as the Steelers organization is one of the most storied franchises of the NFL.

Jerome Bettis would not be back for personal pride though, he is not a selfish player. He is not the type of player to come back to redeem himself like other players might, he does not need to legitimize his career. His choice to come back would be because of the betterment of the Pittsburgh Steelers. Any potential hall of famer to take a back seat, take less pay, and be completely happy with the decision is the ultimate team player.

The Steelers without Jerome Bettis is like a Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich without the bread. What is going to hold it together? His leadership, mentoring of the young Willie Parker, his relationship with Ben Roethlisberger, his reliability in the short yardage downs, and his work ethic will be a vital loss to the Steelers.

The Steelers will lose Jerome Bettis one of these years. I feel that if the Steelers win the Super Bowl, he will not be back. But there is no doubt that Jerome Bettis has given a lasting legacy on the Pittsburgh Steelers. The football gods were right to not let the Jerome Bettis fumble be the deciding factor in this game.

# posted by voip71722 @ 9:35 PM 0 comments

Runaway leaders Reading suffered their first League defeat in 33 games at the hands of Luton on Friday night. The in-form Kevin Doyle put the 9/10 Royals ahead but were stunned with two goals from Rowan Vine and one from Dean Morgan. Doyle pulled one back for Reading in stoppage time but Luton had done enough to earn an unlikely win at odds of 14/5.

Sheffield United took advantage and cut Readings lead to nine points with a derby victory away at city rivals Wednesday. Michael Tonge and Ade Akinbiyi netted for the Blades before half-time before the Owls hit back 10 minutes from time with a Steve MacLean penalty. The 5/4 win for Neil Warnocks side was Uniteds first double over Wednesday for 14 years.

Watford climbed above Leeds to claim third place in the table after beating second-from-bottom Brighton at the Withdean Stadium. The Hornets withstood early pressure from the home side but secured a narrow 1-0 victory at 11/10 thanks to a Chris Eagles goal on the stroke of half-time.

Leeds were held to a draw at Leicester, despite the home side playing 79 minutes with just 10 men. Iain Hume put the Foxes in front after five minutes before Patrick McCarthy was sent off for a foul on Rob Hulse, which led to Robbie Blake equalising from the resulting penalty.

With Preston North End not playing, Cardiff made up ground and are now just three points away from a play-off place. The 4/5 Bluebirds beat Hull 1-0 thanks to Cameron Jeromes goal after 22 minutes.

Wolves also remain in the play-off hunt after a narrow 1-0 win against Ipswich. Castro Sito felled Jeremie Aliadiere in the box 16 minutes from time and Kenny Miller dispatched the penalty for 11/10 Wolves.

Millwall striker Ben May struck an 89th minute equaliser to earn his side a crucial point against Crystal Palace. Ben Watson looked set to give the Eagles a routine win at 11/10 with his goal after 67 minutes only for May to snatch the relegation strugglers a point at the death.

# posted by voip71722 @ 9:35 PM 0 comments

Believe it or not, but the modern day soccer owes its origin to the barbarous war mongering nature of human beings.

There is no proper documentation that can state the date and place of origination of the most popular modern day sportSoccer. However, depending on the socio-historical facts and data we can assume that some type of a ball game was played somewhere in this planet for at least over 3000years now.

The earliest evidence of soccer was found in Kyoto, Japan where a field marked to play a ball-kicking game was found.

There is also proper documentation that supports the fact that the Chinese military forces around 2nd and 3rd century BC (Han Dynasty) played a game that involved kicking a ball into a small net. This was then an essential skill building exercise for the armed forces.

Historical evidence also shows that some form of Soccer was played also by the Greeks and the Romans, however, the primitive form involved a larger team on each side. At times the team strength would go up even to around 27 people on each side. The Greeks were playing four different forms of the ball game, namely "Episkyros", "Ourania", "Pheninda" and "Keritizein". Episkyros was the closest to football. In this 2 equally numbered teams, would try to throw the ball over the heads of the other team. There was a white line between the teams and another white line behind each team. Teams would change the ball often until one of the team is forced behind the line at their end.

Now, how many of you would believe that the modern day soccer actually originated as a war game?

Unbelievable, but true! The first Football (as Soccer is called in Britain) game was played by the locals of east of England, where they started a game, kicking around the severed head of a Danish prince whom they have defeated in a war. That marked the origination of Football as a war game.

After this, for a long time, football was played by rival towns and villages where the objective was to move the ball to a predetermined spot. Hundreds of people would take part in these games and a single game could last a whole day. Punching, kicking, biting , everything was allowed.

The savage nature of this form of football was not much appreciated by the rulers and the Royalty took all possible steps to stop these games. King Edward III of England, passed laws in 1331 to stop the game, he was followed by King James I of Scotland in 1424. The Queens were not far behind, rather, had a more strict approach. Queen Elizabeth I of England, enacted laws that could sentence a football player to jail for a week followed by penancing in a church.

However, in spite of all their best efforts and intentions they could not stop the game. It was too popular among the masses and they loved the game.

The first approach to regularize and give a civilized form to this game was taken by the famous Eton College of England in 1815 when they established a set of rules for the games. These rules were accepted by the other schools, colleges and universities. Later, in 1848, these rules were further standardized and a new version was adopted by all the schools, college and universities. This new set of rules was known as the Cambridge Rules.

At this stage, there were actually two set of rules that were being followed in this game. Some organizations preferred to follow the rules of the Rugby School, that allowed tripping, kicking and carrying the ball, whereas the Cambridge rules prohibited all this methods.

In October, 1863, The Football Association was formed, when eleven London schools and clubs came together to establish a single set of rules to administer any football match that were to be played among them. On 8 December 1863, Association Football and Rugby Football finally split onto two different organizations.

In 1869, these rules were further amended to exclude any handling of the ball beyond the scope of acceptability and that created the foundation for the modern day sports maniaSOCCER !

# posted by voip71722 @ 8:36 PM 0 comments

4-4-2
Defense;

4, defenders are usually arranged as outside left, inside left, inside right and outside right.
The most recent idea is to have them lined up in a banana shape with the middle of the curve closest to the goalkeeper and the outside defenders, the points, slightly ahead but behind the midfielders.
As this is the shape of a banana the defenders can see one another usualy all the time.

Some considered the flat back option but this means much more communication from the capitain of the defense usually one of the insiders.
The general idea is to have the two defenders attend to the attack coming in from their side.

This means that the opposite outside tucks in a little to cover the center of the field covering the goal and any incoming additional attacking opponents.
When the team has possession the defenders would then play wide to stretch out the other teams attackers.
This is also known as playing it around the back.

Sometimes the defenders can be lined up in a diamond shape. This is to utilize the last player back as a "sweeper" who clears the ball up the field and out to the other defenders and mid fielders.
This player is in constant communication with the goalkeeper and relays the message to the other defenders. This is because the goalkeepers can see the complete field from their vantage point.

At times and in some cases too often this central defender will by-pass the midfield and play it up to the forwards. I say too often because this usually has the forwards out numbered by the opposing defenders.. However there are a few "power forwards" who could handle this situation, but most are unable too.

The defender at the top of the diamond is considered the "stopper" whose duty is to challenge any attack or attacking play. They usually play from side to side rather than up and down the field.
These defenders are involved in shutting down any play and play making.
These players really read the game well. They need to, or they would be doing all the running.

Midfield

4, mid-fielders are usually arranged as outside left, inside left, inside right and outside right.
The outside players are called, wingers or flank players and are also involved in striking at the goal.
This would make this line up have a possibility of 4 strikers at any given time.
These wingers usually have the bulk of the running to do as they could carry the ball from the defending third and into the attacking third.
This also depends on the team strategy as outlined by the coaching staff.

The two inside midfielders are supposed to be the "play makers". These are the individuals who are responsible for carrying out the plans the coach and players have designed and used as the methods of attack and goal scoring.
These positions have traditionally played these roles. However nowadays the play making comes from anyone and sometimes all the players at any given time.
These inside players have also been more defensive in their general on field play.
This defensive idea is to stop the opposition from creating attacking options.

Forwards;

These are the main ggoooooooooooalll scoring machines. The ones who react to the ball quickly and are able to shoot from any place on the field.
To be effective they should work closely together as a team and pair. To this extent they are sometimes called "twin strikers".
They are also responsible for creating space by making the defenders mark them.
They make the defense leave their zonal resposibilities whereby taking them "out of the game".

# posted by voip71722 @ 8:10 PM 0 comments

There are a lot of fun ways that you can incorporate a surprise party into your celebration. If you think the guest of honor would enjoy it some ideas are birthdays, anniversaries, retirement or any other congratulatory type party.

When making the guest list you will of course go according to the guest of honors address book. Friends, family, business associates or people from the past making a great starting point when sending out your invitations. If, for example, it=s a 50th birthday celebration, you could urge guests to bring an old photo to share. Whatever you decide, make sure to let everybody know its a surprise and not to spill the beans!

The photos people bring along will serve as a great party favor. They could be given to the guest of honor or tacked up on a bulletin board to be displayed. For a more in depth collage, try gathering photos ahead of time to create more elaborate displays.

Having a personalized banner made would give you a center piece for your decorations. A guest book could be used, or for a more original idea have a couple of markers on hand for party-goers to sign the banner and write a short message. This is a great party favor for the guest of honor to take home to be either put on display or tucked away as a keepsake.

When choosing the setting of your party, consider all of this persons favorite places. It could be anything from a restaurant to a golf dome. You should arrange a date of two to four people to go out to this place. By doing this, they will not suspect there is anything more to come. All the party-goers can be ready and waiting when the small group arrives.

If the surprise party is held at home, all of the decorations can be found at a party supply store. Plates, cups, crepe paper and balloons come in many colors to coordinate with any theme. A party planning specialist will help you coordinate all of your needs for the big surprise!

# posted by voip71722 @ 7:15 PM 0 comments

Soccer players are athletes, but unlike a 100m runner where there is explosive speed for 10 seconds in a straight line, there are many other abilities that soccer players need to develop.

Here are 5 key soccer related speed abilities that you should develop in your players.

#1 - Speed of thought

Soccer players have a great deal to concentrate on. There senses are constantly being blitzed with information, which they need to quickly decipher. Here are some examples:

- Where opponents are positioned

- Actions of their team mates

- What's infront of them and their peripheral vision

- The conditions of the pitch and the weather

- The noise from team mates, crowd, coaches and opponents

- Their tactical position and the strategy of the team

#2 - Speed of anticipation

Some players have a great reading of the game. I have a friend who although he is now in his late 40's early 50's still plays regularly and competes well with players half his age!

How does he do this... because he's played soccer all his life at professional and international level he has built a huge database in his brain of playing situations, player characteristics, tactical situations etc. and he is able to draw on this which gives him superb speed of anticipation.

Sure for explosiveness and reaction times the younger players would win every time, but as the old saying goes..."the first couple of yards are in the head!".

So here it is important that players develop a knack of interpreting the actions of the opponents and what that means to the games development.

#3 - Speed of reaction

As mentioned in the last bullet, speed of reaction is vital.

Anticipation is one thing, being able to react quickly is another.

Consider the role of the goal keeper, their reaction time to a sudden shot, deflection, switch in angle of attack, flight of the ball must be very acute.

But how does a goal keeper react and what to? In this instance, the goal keeper will react to a number of external stimuli, here's a list:

- The visual element of the opponent with the ball, are they carrying it, have they got backlift as if ready to strike the ball, is the opponent in space and is their a clear line of sight on goal

- The auditory element, do they hear the strike of the ball, is it fizzing, does it take a deflection of a player (thud), a shout from a team mate, maybe a close opponent barracking the goalie " he's going to shoot!"

All of these stimuli will have an effect on the player.

Once stimulated the player should choose the best option available to them to react to that situation.

Again we will use the goalie;

If a shot is fizzing towards them low and hard, the pitch is wet and quick, and there are a number of players the ball has to go through before hitting the target, do they get down low anticipating a clear strike on goal, have quick feet and get their body in line with the expected flight path, do they dive towards the ball, kneel or hack the ball?

The answer to this question lies in the ability, confidence and experience of the player.

#4 Speed of feet

Here we are talking about the basic running / sprinting motor skills.

Initial explosion and acceleration are vital to covering the ground quickly. Speed of feet is without the ball, and since it is without the ball it is rarely in a straight line.

Therefore, as a players progress is often inhibited by other players they must adjust and change direction in relation to their team mates actions and those of the opponents.

Explosive speed is generated from the leg muscles stretching and contracting to achieve maximum power, but good running technique, driving through the arms and co-ordination are also vital.

#5 Skill speed

Watching a player run at pace and carry the ball is a truly awesome sight.

Sprinting full out while keeping possession and holding off any challenges from opponents to dribble and create an opportunity to shoot at goal is a tremendous ability.

This key skill though is still built on the last point which is speed of feet.

However, while a player may be very quick is only advantageous if their ball manipulation and technical skills are as up to speed as their pace (pardon the pun).

So, what can you do to help coach the 5 key speed principles?

#1 Speed of thought - enable players to make their own decisions, that means give them lots of opportunites to make choices. Condition games so that it forces them to think.

Play soccer games with them, don't just do drill work. By playing games they will also gain experience which help them build their database from which to draw on.

Keep them motivated, players will not think unless they are motivated and stimulated to do so. Finally, let them be free of any fear and stress of making wrong decisions.

#2 Speed of anticipation - play more soccer, coach them through the game.

Ask plenty of questions on how they are reading the game development.

Offer your insights into positions they have taken up in relation to opponents advances, both strengths and weaknesses.

#3 Speed of reaction - use reaction balls, have goal keeper starting positions with their back to play and react to shots, play rebounds off walls.

Try not to use your whistle or command as the key for the reaction as this wouldn't happen in a real game so don't practice this way.

#4 Speed of feet - always, always warm the muscles up before doing any speed work!

Do some sprints, keep it high intensity with short sharp bursts. Develop good running technique with the use of speed ladders and hurdles.

Try using some different starting positions to like standing, from a jump and land, on their back, on their stomach, incorporate turns, feints and directional changes.

#5 Skill speed - make your training as game related as possible, focusing on speed with the ball, movement, game related distances and challenge.

Hopefully this has given you some good food for thought, enjoy your training!

# posted by voip71722 @ 3:51 PM 0 comments

This article will show how to use a community journalism (also called participatory journalism) platform to build and maintain a community by using the internet as a mean of communication between its members.

Why is community building important?

We are all part of communities whether we realize it or not. We have our local community, national community. Some are members of clubs or groups. Some are fans of a band or play hockey. Schools, Colleges, universities and workplaces are also communities.

Having a closer and more committed communities could benefit us all. Think about big corporations. In such workplaces people hardly know one another while they have so much in common. A tighter community in the workplace will make people feel more attached. Bring better communication and more productive relations between different departments, branches or even people at the same room.

Stronger communities also provide reliance when times gets rough or when crisis hits. The stronger the community is, the better the chance it will work together to solve problems and learn from past mistakes.

The internet is the ultimate community building tool

A good community needs a central place where community members can meet, communicate with each other, display ideas, share experiences and sound their voices. A community magazine is the perfect mean of communication and has numerous advantages as a community meeting place.

Here are some of these advantages:

1) Accessible to anyone from anywhere at any time
A community website is accessible from almost anywhere, community journalists and other members can participate at their own free time without constraints of time and place.

2) Democratic and empowers the individual
Anyone can express their opinion and submit their own content. It's the glue that keeps the community together. The fact that everyone has a voice is key.

3) Free of charge
Websites like www.comagz.com provide some communities with their own community magazine which is free and does not incur operation costs.

4) Requires minimal moderation or attention
Platforms like comagz.com provide the entire community members with the ability to post content and decide which content should be promoted and shown on the front page for example while throwing out inadequate content.All this is done by a voting system and algorithm which manages the content according to the reader's votes.

What are the ingridients of a good community magazine platform?

An online magazine look and feel with nice layout.
Sections for news, articles, recommended links and personal columns
Flexible Categories for easy browsing
Easy submission of items by all members
Automatic management of content items according to users votes
Forums for discussions and search for finding old posts.
Exposure of the content to all major search engines and blog aggregators

Conclusions

Building or enforcing a community and tightening the relations between its members can be both fun and beneficial. The web is a great enabler for community building. Community members can serve voluntarily as citizen journalists and write for the community blog or magazine. Setting up a community magazine is easy and cost free. So what are you waiting for?

Check http://www.comagz.com/webmagazine/ for an example of a CoMagzine.

# posted by voip71722 @ 3:44 PM 0 comments

It surely has a nice ring to it and would be a dream come true for the plethora of England fans who have never yet witnessed the creator of the beautiful game bring home the goods.

Although England have a pretty favourable group, with Paraguay, Trinidad & Tobago, and the dreaded Sweden; they will come through the group stages to the finals and then, with a bit of luck, stomp all over the opposition with verve and tenacity; if Wayne Rooney keeps his head that is.

As well as being a serious contender for the coveted Golden Boot Award, if England do indeed progress, Wayne Rooney is the key to Englands success in World Cup 2006 and the rest of the team and world know it. The guy is a physiological freak in terms of the sheer power and depth of attack in his possession and will simply rip through the best defences that any of the worlds toughest may throw his way. He already proved this in Euro 2004, Portugal, where he was a constant worry for the opposition and, of course, does so every week at Old Trafford.

Wayne Rooney is simply one man, though, and cannot do the job alone; he will need pace man magician Michael Owen at his very best, Beckham curling em in sweetly from the right, Frank Lampard bulldozing through the middle and Mr Sven Goran Eriksson not doing his usual trick of messing with formations and pulling off players at the wrong moment. In fact, England hasnt had such a brilliant compilation of players in years; its whether they can gel at the right time and do what the England rugby lads did in 2003.

One thing is certain though and perhaps will never change; anyone and everyone faced with England, ups their game rate by a noticeable margin. It seems that everyone wants to beat the Auld Enemy; hardly surprising beings as the country with the once largest of empires has, at one time or another, trounced on or been instrumental in shaping the modern world as we know it. It seems logical that someone would want to get their own back by beating the national football team.

Many of the England naysayers believe that the England team lacks the personality and passion to bring home the cup. Although a personality is great for the cameras, the one ingredient that is surely more important is playing the game of football and scoring goals, and with the current England line up we have the best chance since 1966. Roll on World Cup 2006

# posted by voip71722 @ 3:23 PM 0 comments

How effective are the messages that YOU leave for your prospects? Your prospects form an opinion about you and your company every time you contact them. In fact, the messages you leave on their voicemail or e-mail may be a determining factor in their decision to call you back and consider doing business with you. So make a good impression!

The Voicemail Message

Recently, I had the experience of shopping for a car. Unfortunately, I didnt have the pleasure of buying one. Although I knew the exact car I wanted and was ready to buy, not one car salesperson was willing to give me any personal attention.

To begin, I followed a get a quote tool that was available online and filled in exactly what I wanted in my next car: the type, the color, the features, and even additional comments. I couldnt have made it much easier for a car salesperson to sell me a car that I already knew I wanted.

With the five requests that I sent online to different car dealerships in my area, I received five phone calls within 12 hours of my request. All of them went directly to my voicemail.

Here is the basic script to four of the messages I received:

Hello, this is (insert name of salesperson) calling from (insert name of car dealership). Please call me back at (insert telephone number that I have yet to call).

BOOORING! And talk about impersonal! Did they even read my request? Do they even know what kind of car I am interested in?

When a prospect goes out of their way to contact you in regards to a sale, the last thing you want to do is leave them an impersonal or automated message!

Whats the purpose of a voicemail message?

There is only one objective to leaving a voicemail: get them to call you back. Be creative! Use humor! Show them you are different from the competition!

Distinguishing yourself from others DOES NOT mean telling your prospects how great and wonderful you and your company are. DONT tell them that your company is the biggest, the best, that it always puts the customer first, has a 99.6 percent customer satisfaction rate, was the first to do something, or how long youve been in business and how many awards your company has won. In fact, dont tell them ANYTHING remotely similar to anything on that list!

True Story: While attending college at Bowling Green State University I made a significant observation: all seven pizza companies in town printed voted #1 pizza in town right on their pizza box. Why? The same reason you tell your customers how great you arebecause you think people actually care.

How do you differentiate yourself from the competition?

Your prospects know what they like and what they want. They dont want to dance around with you or play games. They want to be treated like an important customer and not like the next sale towards quota.

So try leaving a message that is actually to the point. Try to sound like a human being and not a salesperson. Leave a message of value, where you tell your prospect something they might actually want to know. This will entice them to return your call. (Want more examples? Send a blank e-mail to voicemail@tomrichard.com)

The e-mail message

After sending in my online quote requests for a car, I also received an automated e-mail. I know that youve probably received one sometime in your life, too. Theyre easy to spot as soon as you open the message: a letter full of misspellings, asterisks and exclamation points; sent from a nameless person promising to give you an incredible deal on a sale.

These types of e-mails almost always end up in the trash folder. Why? Because theyre garbage, and you know it! So, why are you using this garbage to reach your prospects?

Voicemails and e-mails should always be sent personally from a real human being, with the intention of creating a relationship with your prospect. Get to know your prospect so you will understand them and discover their motivation for their interest. When you know why they are interested, you will find out how they will make the decision of whether or nor to buy from you.

Be persistent!

Although all five dealerships reached out to me within the first 24 hours of my inquiry, not one person has followed up with me since then (with the exception of automated e-mail blasts, like I mentioned).

A clear and simple way to separate yourself from the competition is to be pleasantly persistent with your follow-up. You are NOT creating a favorable impression with a prospect if you cant take the time to contact them on a personal level after your first attempt.

When I sent out my initial online inquiries, I was ready to buy a car. I took the first step to contact five different car dealerships in my area. However, the impersonal and ineffective follow-ups of these dealerships have reminded me of why I dont like purchasing a car, and now I am considering keeping my old one.

I didnt make the sales process difficult, the follow-up system of the car dealerships did!

So consider this: is your follow-up system killing your chance of making sales? Do you send messages to your prospects? Are they personal? Are they effective? Remember, the point of the follow-up is to establish a relationship that will eventually lead to a sale. So be personal, be persistent, and be happy youre changing a prospect into a customer!

# posted by voip71722 @ 3:01 PM 0 comments

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, just the Mac and the mouse,
When all of a sudden a wail filled the air
As the burglar alarm detected a hair.

I ran to the keypad, pushed down on the code
Hoping neighborly tempers would not explode.
The phone rang and I told the guard I was fine
When over the rooftop came a great whine,

Then four beeps, a grunt, a groan and a sigh
And a deep voice bellowing down from on high:
"Things have come to a pretty pass, I have to say,
When the elves install car alarms right on my sleigh!"

He was dressed for South Florida, wearing shorts and a tee,
With the logo of Lauderdale-down-by-the-sea.

Brakes squealed as a sleigh wheel got caught in the gutter
And Rudolph's hoof smashed up a hurricane shutter.

"I'm glad you dropped in," I wanted to say,
But thoughts of a homeowners policy got in the way.

They don't cover sleigh wheels, or santas, or deer,
So I'd soon be in debt for for this holiday cheer.

"Have a soft drink?" I offered, to get him out faster,
But at moochng this guy was clearly the master.
"Soda? For children! Just give me a brew.
Molsons preferred, but Corona will do."

"Gee, Santa," I said, as I eyed his big sack,
"I still have twelve boxes left to unpack.
Instead of a gift this year, maybe your elves
Could help me assemble my lamps and my shelves?
And move this big table and hang all those prints --"

But all of a sudden I saw Santa wince.
"I have a long drive," he said with a frown,
"And the elves union says they have to put down
Their tools after midnight, or I travel alone
And call for repairs on my cellular phone.
A mechanic on holidays? I don't do magic
And delaying these gifts to good kids would be tragic."

A last sip of beer, a quick wave of the hand
And Santa was headed away from my land.

The sleigh was still on the roof, so I cried,
"Take special care as you climb up the side!
Those screens are secure, and they have little wires
To sound an alarm against burglars and fires --"

Too late! A boot crashed and the sirens began
And 'twas back to the keypad before they could scan
My sensors again, for twice in one night
Would give any alarm system cause for a fright.

I'll be spared Santa's gifts when I wake Christmas morning
So I'll just take some time to post a new warning:
"No trespassing: Elves and santas beware!
All visitors must offer to do home repair!"

For serious advice about moving, download Making the Big Move.

# posted by voip71722 @ 2:30 PM 0 comments